5 Relationship-Saving Strategies For Any Couple Buying a House

Dated: October 1 2020

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Buying a house is exciting. Arguing while buying a house? Not so much. Here’s how to keep the peace while house hunting.

A couple buying a house should talk about money, of course, but also about their expectations for their first home. Talking now will keep you productive, positive, and focused on finding the right house. It will also help you manage buying-a-house stress on your relationship.

#1 Get On the Same Page About Expectations

Especially when it comes to a couple buying a house. Buying can reveal relationship problems, because it’s the biggest financial transaction you’ll make, and there are a lot of emotions and expectations tied up in the idea of home.

How to start? Ask questions like:

  • Why do you want to buy a house?
  • What’s the most important thing to consider, in your opinion? 
  • How long do you want to live there?
  • Do you want something perfect or a fixer-upper?
  • What do you think our budget should be?

#2 Be Prepared to Back Down

But both of you should be willing to accept no for an answer. This prevents gridlock. And ceding some control makes the decision on which home to buy a shared one.

#3 Do Scenario Planning

New homes have a way of changing life’s routines.

Does one of you take the dog out? If so, that beautiful sixth-floor walk-up may affect the dog caretaker’s mornings (and moods). Does one of you do most of the outdoor chores? How do you really feel about taking care of a massive lawn? That house that sits on top of a hill is gorgeous, and the views! But will you like hauling bags of groceries up the three flights of stairs to the front door?

The more you think it over together, the happier you’ll both be after you move in.

#4 Ask An Expert

A good agent is like a reference librarian and a personal coach in one. They can help you navigate the home buying process minutiae, like finding a good mortgage broker or dissecting the details of a home inspection.

An agent can give you the knowledge you need to make a wise decision. And she can pump you and your partner back up when your energy has ebbed because you’ve looked at 22 houses and not seen one worthy of an offer. Or you put in an offer and it fell through.Leaning on a professional to offer perspective and help work through disappointment releases some buying-a-house stress on a relationship. 

#5 Recognize You're a Team 

Having the agent participate in discussions — and even occasionally disagreeing with her — “helped us [see] that we know each other, we know our lifestyle. Anything that will allow you to bond more with your partner is always positive.”

The agent got them to talk to each other about what they wanted and didn’t want in a house. It helped them hash out their likes and dislikes, constructively.

Instead of letting buying a house lead to relationship problems, turn the experience into a chance to learn and grow together. Talk. Listen. And get good advice from a smart agent. You’ll end up as homeowners -- with an even better connection.

What’s not to love?

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Will Hickey

Your Real Estate Experience Matters That's why when you choose to buy or sell your home with me you get honest, professional service. I am passionate about real estate and helping people navigate this....

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